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And now they're friends! Finally, the end of the Lavender Hiatus.
Next:whispersbettenoir.deviantart.c…
PreviousLavender 37
First:Coming To The Lavender Pg 1: Pricetag
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:iconliketheisland:
Liketheisland Featured By Owner May 7, 2017  Professional Filmographer
Another from Project Comment!

So to start out, the contrasts in the gray tones work really well here. It's clear what every object is supposed to be, and the characters stand out nicely from the background. And I'm usually not a fan of colors going outside the lines, but it works for the background here, and will continue to be effective as long as it's consistent through every background object for every page. It reminds me of the type of stylish look in the original 101 Dalmatians: Minimalist, but not lazy-looking. 

I will say, though, that the effect is a bit distracting when it comes to the characters. It looks like most of their colors stay within the lines, but others break out for seemingly no reason. It might be an interesting stylistic choice to have the colors break out in order to show motion (for instance, when Mag is falling, some of her gray tones could be dragged upward like her hair), but otherwise, it seems out of place if the "breakouts" aren't evenly distributed around the body's outlines. Also, the shading on the gutter in panel 2 and the ground in panel 4 have this warm gray that doesn't fit with the more neutral grays in the rest of the page. This would be warranted if you were trying to draw the viewer's eye to something important and specific in a detailed scene, but as it is, that choice feels kind of random and unnecessary. 

Anatomy and body proportions look okay for the most part, but in panel 3, Mag's left forearm is much longer than her right, and due to the thumb placement, it looks like her right hand was transplanted onto her left arm. Her femurs could be just a tad shorter in that panel too look more believable, as well. Also, her hand in panel 2 doesn't appear to have much solid structure, being based on curves and flat circles instead of blocks and cylinders (don't get me wrong, the curves work for the style, but they can make anatomy look too unreal if they're not built upon a solid foundation). As for the character-to-character relationship, Mag's body looks a little small in proportion to Feather's head and upper body. And while I like Feather's expression, it looks as if she's surprised at who she caught (perhaps expecting someone else to fall from the roof), so it doesn't fit the moment very well. Maybe a relieved face would be better suited to that panel. (I love everything else about Feather, though. The pose and sense of motion in that drawing are my favorite things about this page.) :nod:

A couple of background things: I think panel 1 would be more visually interesting if the perspective were tilted on its side to turn all the vertical and horizontal lines into diagonals. The foreshortening on the arm would still be there, and we'd still get a sense of distance between the characters, but it'd help if the panel were cropped to frame only its most important elements: The two characters and the hand on the gutter. Also, panel 3 might look more dynamic with an upward, diagonal view of the building Mag is falling from (when in doubt, go diagonal, that's what I say! :D) instead of a flat, featureless motion effect. And the perspective of panel 4 might look more cohesive if we saw the sidewalk receding to the same vanishing point as the car and the wall. If someone saw that panel on its own apart from the rest of the page, it'd give the scene a clearer sense of place. Finally, kind of a nit-pick, but some of the text in the speech bubbles could be less fragmented. "Lunch sounds great!" could be on one line (since it's such a short sentence, it's probably best to keep the whole thing together), while "HOOOMY GOD, DUDE!" can also be on a single line, so "DUDE!" doesn't break up that block of text so much.

That said, this style and this comic have a lot of personality! I'm curious to see where it goes! Hope this helps!
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:iconlaylabelle97:
Laylabelle97 Featured By Owner May 7, 2017
I see what you mean about anatomy and perspective. Those are things I can still work on. 
Feather is meant to be a big, beefy man. I intentionally made his proportions bigger than Mag's. 
I'm glad you're enjoying the comic. Hope you keep reading. I just updated it a day or two actually.
Thank you so much for the feedback.
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:iconliketheisland:
Liketheisland Featured By Owner May 7, 2017  Professional Filmographer
Ohhh I see. Her head still probably wouldn't be so small in comparison, though.
No problem! Good luck!
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:iconmad-mady:
Mad-Mady Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017  Student Filmographer
ehyo! here from le project comments! 
so I've always loved black and white cartoons, it is always very interesting to see what people can achieve with little colour, especially in the relm of story telling and comics! 
to start off with your panel composition is very good. it tells the story, flows well and overall really assists in hi-lighting the things like slipping off the rung and the falling. one of the biggest pet hates of mine are uninspired panel composition or composition that is unflattering to the story. im not going to over flatter you and say "oh my god it was perfect, you nailed it!" because theres always space to improve. but i really think youve got a good keen knack for it and and i enjoyed reading it. (this is comming from a comic enthusiast who is *cough* broke from comic shopping)!
i think as ussual you have anatomy to improve on, if its apart of your style to have wierdly kinda liquid looking characters then thats cool, but this characters breasts looked alittle odd... still nice (not that i was staring too much, but i do love a good pair of boobiesSweating a little... ) overall your anatomy is stylised and i really apreciate that, still some work required on improving that, but then again dont we all Stupid Me! ??? 
i really liked this and i think theres some neat potential here. there were some instances where the colour bled the lines but meh its very minor. 
well done captain! Star! Star! Star! Half Star No Star  stars for you! 
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:iconlaylabelle97:
Laylabelle97 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017
Thanks. I LOVE to use lots of rich colors, so working in black and white is a bit of a challenge. It's a fun challenge though to work with limited palettes. 
I've seen other comics where they have a very simple column-like panel layout, but the comics I referenced had more dynamic ones. I'm always worried about making my panel layout too boring, so I'm glad I'm on the right track.
Well, I do stylize my characters, but I also know I could improve on anatomy. What do you mean by "liquid"? As for the breasts, at least in the panel where she's falling, I was trying to kind of impose gravity on them, since they're bags of fat. Any particular panels/things about them that looked weird.  (Don't we all love a good pair of boobies?)
Thank you so much!
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:iconmad-mady:
Mad-Mady Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017  Student Filmographer
your welcome! tis was a good flick! :happybounce: 
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:iconlaylabelle97:
Laylabelle97 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017
thanks
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:iconlalluskapalluska:
Lalluskapalluska Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017  Student General Artist
Graceful as fuck.
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:iconlaylabelle97:
Laylabelle97 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017
Thank
as in Mag handling falling off a roof naked or Feather catching her?
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